*WARNING*This post is serious and full of my religious beliefs and references to God. If this makes you uncomfortable, then please feel free to skip this and come back for another post. I do however hope you will read it anyway and maybe see things a little differently.
So an old year has left us and a new one has joined us. I think for this new year, I am going to try and change my attitude and outlook. 2010 was a really tough year for me. I really think God is trying to teach me something. I just wish I could figure out what it is that He wants me to learn. I know He wants me to learn patience, but that one is nothing new.
2010 was full of hurt, heartbreak that I had for my children, unbelievable stresses, sickness and even emergency surgery for me. I hate dwelling on the negative, but it is so hard to not do that. I am generally an upbeat and positive person, but this year that has been really hard for me. And 2010 was better than 2009 and 2008. God has kept challenging me in so many ways that I just don't know what to do and how to handle it any more. On more than one occasion I was driven to my knees in frustration and tears with little respite. As soon as something started looking up in one place, somewhere else went out of balance and downhill.
So for 2011, I am going to try and see things from a different perspective. I am going to look at things as a learning and growing opportunity. I will ask myself "what does God want me to learn from this?". I will also ask the questions "What is today's purpose in my journey thru life? Is it an important purpose? Is it irrelevant? Is it simply joy or sadness? What is the reason and purpose God has placed this person in my path?" I am going to try and take things more in stride and not let them get to me as much as things have the past year. This will be very hard to do since I am a very reactive person. I have the unfortunate tendency to react before I think, and that gets me in a lot of trouble. I want to spend more time thinking "what does God want me to learn from this" instead of blowing up and losing what little hold on my temper that I have.
This is going to be very hard for me, and I am sure I will have setbacks along the way. I know my limits, and I am hoping that I will be able to either stretch the limits or resolve things before reaching those limits. I know that I am going to struggle with this, and I guess I am just going to have to learn how to pray more than I already do. Making total mental adjustments like this is hard, but I really feel this is what I need to do for my own benefit as well as for the benefit of my sons. They deserve a mom who can look at things in a more positive manner so that they can learn how to see things in a more positive light themselves. I love my sons and really want them to have better opportunities for growth, and I feel this is one way to give them that. But first, they need to see me grow, and I need the growth for my own sanity, peace of mind, and maturity.
I really hope I am able to do some growing this year. I hope I am able to grow for myself and and more in the way that God wants me to, whatever way that is. I hope and pray I am able to discover His purpose and meaning for each day. I think this will be an amazing yet challenging journey for me to undertake. The path looks mighty scary, but I think I will be ok.
I hope y'all are able to reach your own personal goals whatever they may be. I hope y'all enjoy every sunrise and sunset you are given. I hope that the really important dreams for the next year come true for y'all. I hope y'all know that you are very important and very loved by those that have been blessed with having y'all in their lives. I hope that y'all are blessed by those important people in your lives. And most of all, I hope you are able to smile every day despite whatever you face. I hope that someone's hug, touch of the hand, or smile will make all the difference you need in your life.
This song seems appropriate somehow for this post. I love Lady Antebellum, and this song just speaks volumes to me, as if God were smacking me upside the head to get my attention. I hope it says something to y'all as well.